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your depth of understanding, and talent at sharing it amaze me. Speechless… and for your sharing of it.. Thank you… deeply. *sigh, its like coming back into my body through acceptance….. Sherrie on space2live
Sherrie
I think I want to print out your articles and hand them out as a sort of relationship waiver form. “You want to be my friend?….You are interesting in going out? Here read this first. Sign here to acknowledge that you have read and understand the enclosed material. Thank you.” Seriously. I think it would work. — Guerin Moorman
Guerin Moorman
BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
Megan
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
C.M.
During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.
Brenda has truly opened up a space for introverted types on the ‘net, and her self-revelations are always inspiring. Her voice is one I always look forward to. She is one of the writers that actually played a part in my return to writing.  — S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
That courage and dedication you so generously share with the world, has inspired me to push myself a little harder, persevere at each task a little longer, dig a little bit deeper to where the answers just “feel” right to both my humanity AND my spirit. Your insights have reinforced my direction and given me additional tools that help me clear my path. I’m wired into my creativity as never before and the new music is pouring out of me faster than I can record and produce it; this is the Un…
Gary
Because of your blog, I know that it is possible for me to have the love that I want one day and that I don’t have to be alone.  — Indepthwoman  on space2live
Indepthwoman
Your site has saved my sanity and my life. Maybe even my marriage. I work part time and have two young boys at home, my husband is supportive of me but until recently I thought I was going crazy. … Reading your writing not only inspires me to pick up the pen again, but gives me nourishment in the deepest places. I will fight for balance. Everything you write is spot on… And wellness is so incredibly multifaceted.  I was ready to give up hope, but understanding myself through your words is bring…
J.K.
Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB

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Beyond Introversion: Are You a Highly Intuitive, Sensitive, Relationship-Focused Being?

hand over heart

Do you have a real and true interest in what it means to be human?

Are you sensitive and highly relationship oriented?

Is conflict especially painful for you?

Do others describe you as empathic, inspiring, deep, self-aware, intuitive, reflective, creative, authentic or encouraging?

Are you more comfortable being rather than doing?

Do you strive, even unintentionally, to give meaning and wholeness to other’s lives?

Do emotions and intuition guide you?

Do you flourish within emotional intimacy?

If so, you probably feel exquisitely at home here on space2live.

The words and questions listed above all describe the Idealist temperament. Idealists (as depicted in psychologist, David Keirsey’s, book Please Understand Me II: Temperament Character Intelligence) are the NFs of Isabel Briggs Myer’s personality types. They are the counselors, healers, teachers and champions of the world.

I have an uneasiness with the label, Idealist, but have not been able to come up with a better alternative. Intuitive Feeler? Empath? Sensitive? None seems to be quite right. I welcome suggestions for a more fitting title for our tribe.

Space2live not solely focused on introverts 

I started to wonder two years ago if space2live is truly focused on introverts or the sensitive, empathic, authentic, relational, personal growth-oriented group described above. I believe it’s both but with a slight emphasis on the latter.

Daydreaming-Wallpaper-daydreaming-34451447-1024-768As the voice behind space2live and an introvert myself, I definitely share personal stories based on my need for an ebb and flow lifestyle that includes meaningful activities and relationships balanced by perfect stillness and solitude. I am depleted by overt and constant stimulation and restored by going within to my quiet core. The introvert side of me is completely identifiable in my posts, but so is my NF-ness.

Extroverts are empathetic and relationship-based too

Not all Idealists are introverts. In fact, I have worked with, dated and currently live with extroverts who are deep feeling, intuitive and sensitive. They have the outward enthusiastic warmth and expressiveness you would expect from an extrovert, as well as the need to retreat to peaceful environments away from people. You see, their intense intunement with others often leaves them overwhelmed with second-hand emotions and distressed from constant striving for harmony.

My daughter is an extroverted idealist. She struggles daily to protect her tender heart from discord among her friends, classmates and yes, our family. She is the most supportive, creative and loving child  and it is painful for me to watch her learn how to harden her spirit in order to get along in this world, but to a degree, it is necessary.

Want to understand your significant other?

Many readers write in seeking help understanding the ways of their friends, lovers or family members. They are not introverts or idealists, but they want to improve their relationships and bring more intimacy into their lives. Space2live is a safe place for them to gain knowledge and compassion. I applaud them for going the extra mile to relate to the significant people in their lives.fated-youk-shim-won-ii

I love helping others see differences in personality as different, but not better or worse. No one type is superior. I enjoy giving partners a neutral language to use to talk to each other without competing or claiming one is more right.

Very often there is a communication breakdown between the more logical thinker in the relationship and the partner who uses their emotions and personal values to make decisions. Their emotional intimacy is thwarted by this impasse. I have a deep and personal interest in making sure the more emotional partner is appreciated. Not that one is better than the other, but quite often the more feeling person is denigrated into believing their perspective is not as valuable. This is simply not true. Both points of view are valid and rational and should be honored.

Championing the reflective and thoughtful soul

Our culture reveres the efficient, productive, less emotional individual. If you’re a busy person who juggles socializing with aplomb, you are golden in the United States. The more reflective person who is OK with stillness and solitude, is often deemed selfish or lazy or anti-social. Even though, that is how they connect with their intuition and build self-awareness. Even though, that is how they re-charge in order to tackle the mundane doing and chatting required in society. Even though, after a fulfilling retreat  in solitude, these individuals often emerge with enthusiastic warmth and love for those in their circles.

The purpose of space2live and BrendaKnowles.com (coming soon) is to create awareness and offer support to the population that lives more idealistically and sensitively and to those who love them.

On space2live/brendaknowles.com all are welcome to look for meaning and strive for wholeness.

Do you relate to the Idealist temperament? If so, in what way? Are you an introvert? Idealist? Someone who loves one of them?

 

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4 Comments

  1. Morena April 6, 2016 at 3:21 pm - Reply

    Being this way Brenda is a bit draining and it affects my nervous system….when I say things, and I have peoples attention, but then I notice people trying to consume me and wanting my time. I feel like there is no ‘off’ button because I’m an HSP. I feel like I should come with manual, just so I can stop explaining myself. Its hard to maintain relationships with people sometimes because they become extremely needy. I can’t hold peoples hand forever. They have to do the work. Then when I need my space to recharge its like I’m being selfish. I’m interested in growth and these people act like they want me to do the work for them. I have my own blog but for the most part, I want to be left alone, until I can really figure out how to share and step out, of my comfort zone and help people. I’m still learning and growing myself… I get overwhelmed and I want to go hide in my room. I’m in my head a lot and can’t keep up with my own thoughts. I’m the type in any given situation, I think of everything and I need people just like that in my life.

    • Brenda Knowles April 10, 2016 at 3:19 pm - Reply

      Sounds like you need emotional and physical support yourself in order to be able to give more to others. I understand the drain of people who constantly need attention. I’m working right now and how to quiet their insecurities in a kind and not too energy-costly manner. I hate to leave people with needs unmet but I also like to encourage self-motivation. Keep your chin up and try not to see others as pure drains. I hope you find others who fill you up.

      • Morena October 21, 2016 at 1:54 am - Reply

        Brenda,

        One day I will get the emtional and physical support I need. People just keep trying to take from me, thats one reason why I’m single…I shouldnt have to fight for peace and quiet…. I’m a wanted woman, but not in a good way. I try to get people to help themselves and want better, but there thing is, “oh can you help me” and “oh you’re so much better at this” and “I dont know how to do that” then when I show them, they look for excuses not to do anything. So I just have to distance myself….and then when I check in, they are still in the same place, not making any progress.

  2. […] “Our culture reveres the efficient, productive, less emotional individual. If you’re a busy person who juggles socializing with aplomb, you are golden in the United States. The more reflective person who is OK with stillness and solitude, is often deemed selfish or lazy or anti-social. Even though, that is how they connect with their intuition and build self-awareness. Even though, that is how they re-charge in order to tackle the mundane doing and chatting required in society. Even though, after a fulfilling retreat  in solitude, these individuals often emerge with enthusiastic warmth and love for those in their circles.” Beyond Introversion: Are You a Highly Intuitive, Sensitive, Relationship-Focused Being? – Bren…‘ […]

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