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Testimonials

“I was struggling with my daughter (16 at the time) and our constant fighting. You said something to me that changed my life! You were speaking about your own situation and you said to me “my child could not handle my emotions”. This was a HUGE “lightbulb moment” for me and it forever changed the way I dealt with my emotions when I was around my daughter!

I am happy to say that things have never been better between my soon to be 18 year old daughter and myself! I honestly never thought we would…

Mom M
Your words are my lifeline.  I sit down to your posts and as I read I can feel my acceptance of myself and my needs grow.  Your words validate my feelings about my life, motherhood, relationships and it is something I hold onto.  And during the times when I feel like I am not able to be a mother or a wife or a sister or a friend or whatever someone needs me to be, I go back to your words and find some peace…I send your posts to my husband when I need him to understand that I love him but I need …
D.R.
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
C.M.
You’re so honest in your writing. It’s bold. It’s frank. It’s wonderful. I could definitely see the work you are doing here as a useful book. It could save/make a lot of relationships! — Jimmi Langemo
Jimmi Langemo
Brenda has truly opened up a space for introverted types on the ‘net, and her self-revelations are always inspiring. Her voice is one I always look forward to. She is one of the writers that actually played a part in my return to writing.  — S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
This is me. This is me from the day I was born. For so long I felt misunderstood and rejected, even by the people closest to me, because they could never understand my need for solitude, and I had no idea how to explain it to them. Even now that I know more about Introversion and have a more informed understanding of my hard-wired need for solitude, it’s still very difficult sometimes to help my loved ones understand this profound craving for time and space all to myself. This is one of the best…
Sharon
For the first time in my life I could truly explain, through your words the way in which I experience life and myself. Brenda… It all fell into place. I had found myself and had such a moment of clarity. It felt like such a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Finally I felt like it was ok to be me. I was not the only one. I had found people and a little space where I fit in. … I was at work and crying on the inside. Emotions ran wild inside me. I was ecstatic, sad, confused, motivated, i…
Niko
I met Brenda and took the MBTI… I had a fairly good understanding of these types before the meeting but was impressed by the depth of knowledge that Brenda shared with me. She clearly has a passion for this work and a gift in imparting the information. There have been doors opened for me because of our talks… — Alan Hintermeister
Alan Hintermeister
BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
Megan
I think I want to print out your articles and hand them out as a sort of relationship waiver form. “You want to be my friend?….You are interesting in going out? Here read this first. Sign here to acknowledge that you have read and understand the enclosed material. Thank you.” Seriously. I think it would work. — Guerin Moorman
Guerin Moorman

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Beyond Introversion: Are You a Highly Intuitive, Sensitive, Relationship-Focused Being?

hand over heart

Do you have a real and true interest in what it means to be human?

Are you sensitive and highly relationship oriented?

Is conflict especially painful for you?

Do others describe you as empathic, inspiring, deep, self-aware, intuitive, reflective, creative, authentic or encouraging?

Are you more comfortable being rather than doing?

Do you strive, even unintentionally, to give meaning and wholeness to other’s lives?

Do emotions and intuition guide you?

Do you flourish within emotional intimacy?

If so, you probably feel exquisitely at home here on space2live.

The words and questions listed above all describe the Idealist temperament. Idealists (as depicted in psychologist, David Keirsey’s, book Please Understand Me II: Temperament Character Intelligence) are the NFs of Isabel Briggs Myer’s personality types. They are the counselors, healers, teachers and champions of the world.

I have an uneasiness with the label, Idealist, but have not been able to come up with a better alternative. Intuitive Feeler? Empath? Sensitive? None seems to be quite right. I welcome suggestions for a more fitting title for our tribe.

Space2live not solely focused on introverts 

I started to wonder two years ago if space2live is truly focused on introverts or the sensitive, empathic, authentic, relational, personal growth-oriented group described above. I believe it’s both but with a slight emphasis on the latter.

Daydreaming-Wallpaper-daydreaming-34451447-1024-768As the voice behind space2live and an introvert myself, I definitely share personal stories based on my need for an ebb and flow lifestyle that includes meaningful activities and relationships balanced by perfect stillness and solitude. I am depleted by overt and constant stimulation and restored by going within to my quiet core. The introvert side of me is completely identifiable in my posts, but so is my NF-ness.

Extroverts are empathetic and relationship-based too

Not all Idealists are introverts. In fact, I have worked with, dated and currently live with extroverts who are deep feeling, intuitive and sensitive. They have the outward enthusiastic warmth and expressiveness you would expect from an extrovert, as well as the need to retreat to peaceful environments away from people. You see, their intense intunement with others often leaves them overwhelmed with second-hand emotions and distressed from constant striving for harmony.

My daughter is an extroverted idealist. She struggles daily to protect her tender heart from discord among her friends, classmates and yes, our family. She is the most supportive, creative and loving child  and it is painful for me to watch her learn how to harden her spirit in order to get along in this world, but to a degree, it is necessary.

Want to understand your significant other?

Many readers write in seeking help understanding the ways of their friends, lovers or family members. They are not introverts or idealists, but they want to improve their relationships and bring more intimacy into their lives. Space2live is a safe place for them to gain knowledge and compassion. I applaud them for going the extra mile to relate to the significant people in their lives.fated-youk-shim-won-ii

I love helping others see differences in personality as different, but not better or worse. No one type is superior. I enjoy giving partners a neutral language to use to talk to each other without competing or claiming one is more right.

Very often there is a communication breakdown between the more logical thinker in the relationship and the partner who uses their emotions and personal values to make decisions. Their emotional intimacy is thwarted by this impasse. I have a deep and personal interest in making sure the more emotional partner is appreciated. Not that one is better than the other, but quite often the more feeling person is denigrated into believing their perspective is not as valuable. This is simply not true. Both points of view are valid and rational and should be honored.

Championing the reflective and thoughtful soul

Our culture reveres the efficient, productive, less emotional individual. If you’re a busy person who juggles socializing with aplomb, you are golden in the United States. The more reflective person who is OK with stillness and solitude, is often deemed selfish or lazy or anti-social. Even though, that is how they connect with their intuition and build self-awareness. Even though, that is how they re-charge in order to tackle the mundane doing and chatting required in society. Even though, after a fulfilling retreat  in solitude, these individuals often emerge with enthusiastic warmth and love for those in their circles.

The purpose of space2live and BrendaKnowles.com (coming soon) is to create awareness and offer support to the population that lives more idealistically and sensitively and to those who love them.

On space2live/brendaknowles.com all are welcome to look for meaning and strive for wholeness.

Do you relate to the Idealist temperament? If so, in what way? Are you an introvert? Idealist? Someone who loves one of them?

 

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4 Comments

  1. Morena April 6, 2016 at 3:21 pm - Reply

    Being this way Brenda is a bit draining and it affects my nervous system….when I say things, and I have peoples attention, but then I notice people trying to consume me and wanting my time. I feel like there is no ‘off’ button because I’m an HSP. I feel like I should come with manual, just so I can stop explaining myself. Its hard to maintain relationships with people sometimes because they become extremely needy. I can’t hold peoples hand forever. They have to do the work. Then when I need my space to recharge its like I’m being selfish. I’m interested in growth and these people act like they want me to do the work for them. I have my own blog but for the most part, I want to be left alone, until I can really figure out how to share and step out, of my comfort zone and help people. I’m still learning and growing myself… I get overwhelmed and I want to go hide in my room. I’m in my head a lot and can’t keep up with my own thoughts. I’m the type in any given situation, I think of everything and I need people just like that in my life.

    • Brenda Knowles April 10, 2016 at 3:19 pm - Reply

      Sounds like you need emotional and physical support yourself in order to be able to give more to others. I understand the drain of people who constantly need attention. I’m working right now and how to quiet their insecurities in a kind and not too energy-costly manner. I hate to leave people with needs unmet but I also like to encourage self-motivation. Keep your chin up and try not to see others as pure drains. I hope you find others who fill you up.

      • Morena October 21, 2016 at 1:54 am - Reply

        Brenda,

        One day I will get the emtional and physical support I need. People just keep trying to take from me, thats one reason why I’m single…I shouldnt have to fight for peace and quiet…. I’m a wanted woman, but not in a good way. I try to get people to help themselves and want better, but there thing is, “oh can you help me” and “oh you’re so much better at this” and “I dont know how to do that” then when I show them, they look for excuses not to do anything. So I just have to distance myself….and then when I check in, they are still in the same place, not making any progress.

  2. […] “Our culture reveres the efficient, productive, less emotional individual. If you’re a busy person who juggles socializing with aplomb, you are golden in the United States. The more reflective person who is OK with stillness and solitude, is often deemed selfish or lazy or anti-social. Even though, that is how they connect with their intuition and build self-awareness. Even though, that is how they re-charge in order to tackle the mundane doing and chatting required in society. Even though, after a fulfilling retreat  in solitude, these individuals often emerge with enthusiastic warmth and love for those in their circles.” Beyond Introversion: Are You a Highly Intuitive, Sensitive, Relationship-Focused Being? – Bren…‘ […]

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