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“I was struggling with my daughter (16 at the time) and our constant fighting. You said something to me that changed my life! You were speaking about your own situation and you said to me “my child could not handle my emotions”. This was a HUGE “lightbulb moment” for me and it forever changed the way I dealt with my emotions when I was around my daughter!

I am happy to say that things have never been better between my soon to be 18 year old daughter and myself! I honestly never thought we would…

Mom M
That courage and dedication you so generously share with the world, has inspired me to push myself a little harder, persevere at each task a little longer, dig a little bit deeper to where the answers just “feel” right to both my humanity AND my spirit. Your insights have reinforced my direction and given me additional tools that help me clear my path. I’m wired into my creativity as never before and the new music is pouring out of me faster than I can record and produce it; this is the Un…
Gary
Thank you for all the words. You’ve created the magic drug I’ve been looking for all my life. Your blog has transformed my life, and I feel like I am on the brink of a most satisfying fulfilling journey…You’ve made me see everything in a new light. I now feel calmer, able to care better for my toddler, less hateful of people around, and hopeful for my future. I am not so afraid for our marriage anymore. — Shilpa CB
Shilpa CB
I met Brenda and took the MBTI… I had a fairly good understanding of these types before the meeting but was impressed by the depth of knowledge that Brenda shared with me. She clearly has a passion for this work and a gift in imparting the information. There have been doors opened for me because of our talks… — Alan Hintermeister
Alan Hintermeister
For the first time in my life I could truly explain, through your words the way in which I experience life and myself. Brenda… It all fell into place. I had found myself and had such a moment of clarity. It felt like such a big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Finally I felt like it was ok to be me. I was not the only one. I had found people and a little space where I fit in. … I was at work and crying on the inside. Emotions ran wild inside me. I was ecstatic, sad, confused, motivated, i…
Niko
Brenda has truly opened up a space for introverted types on the ‘net, and her self-revelations are always inspiring. Her voice is one I always look forward to. She is one of the writers that actually played a part in my return to writing.  — S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
This is me. This is me from the day I was born. For so long I felt misunderstood and rejected, even by the people closest to me, because they could never understand my need for solitude, and I had no idea how to explain it to them. Even now that I know more about Introversion and have a more informed understanding of my hard-wired need for solitude, it’s still very difficult sometimes to help my loved ones understand this profound craving for time and space all to myself. This is one of the best…
Sharon
BRENDA: thank you SO much! Your advice is exactly what I need to do. I am amazed how much you “get” me after only exchanging a few messages!… Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me more than a year of therapy sessions! – Megan on space2live
Megan
During one of the harder times in my life I found Brenda’s website
and reached out to her. To say the least it has been one of the best
decisions I have made. Being an extrovert I never quite understood
what it meant to romantically involved with an introvert. Brenda does
an incredible job listening, giving in the moment feedback, and helped
me understand the how an introvert functions. She helped explain to me
that I am introspective extrovert, and this gave something to identify
with and allowed me t…
Evan H.
Your site has saved my sanity and my life. Maybe even my marriage. I work part time and have two young boys at home, my husband is supportive of me but until recently I thought I was going crazy. … Reading your writing not only inspires me to pick up the pen again, but gives me nourishment in the deepest places. I will fight for balance. Everything you write is spot on… And wellness is so incredibly multifaceted.  I was ready to give up hope, but understanding myself through your words is bring…
J.K.

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Introverts, Energy and Love: The Best of Space2live 2014

colorful 2014

What did I learn about relationships this year?

What did I learn about introversion?

Relationship revelation

Looking for what you want can cause you to miss out on what you need. I had a complicated list of wants and expectations for potential partners. I would meet men who seemed to have many of these qualities but eventually they would let me down or leave. True, my list was  extensive and some may even say, unrealistic, but I believe the real problem was I was going for the opposite of my former redhead reaching for the starshusband and in fact, looking for someone much like myself. According to 16 Ways to Love Your Loverit is ideal to have friends like yourself for affirmation and understanding but it is better to have a mate with complementary traits for personal growth and versatility.

Relationships help us grow. Noted psychiatrist, Carl Jung, said we choose partners in order to expand ourselves, to become whole.

I need regular doses of space from people. I can only handle the emotions, attention and needs of a few people at a time because when I do engage with others it is on a profoundly focused level. I am a thinker and reflector first, doer and action-taker second. I have deep  emotions.

I dated people who were like me and we couldn’t make it work. Sometimes, I was the one pushing my boundaries in order to help and support my partner and the relationship. Sometimes I was the one asking for support. I’m no simple girlfriend. I bring a lot of considerations to the relationship (three children, life in the suburbs, introvert who needs solitude, complex emotions), I understand this. I need someone who can handle those facets of me. I have learned if I have a partner who supports and encourages me, then I can give more to him. I have the energy and desire to cherish him. I can rest in his reliability. I can trust he will be there. This does not necessarily mean I need an extrovert, although they are always a possibility. There are introverts who are doers. There are introverts who can be pressed up against with emotions and handle them with grace, calm and decisiveness. There are definitely loving and intimate introverts.

I’ve learned I need someone enough like me that we connect easily but different enough that we both grow within the relationship. I’ve also learned that every relationship is imperfect and effortful (despite my request for effortless in this post), but that is where the growth comes in. I NEED someone who is willing and able to go through the effortful part with me.

Introversion revelation

What I learned about introversion is that introverts quite often present as extroverts. Especially, as I get deeper into middle-age (mid 40s), I see more and more of us who have learned to behave like extroverts. We even enjoy the buzz of connecting with others.

We all work our way to wholeness. We have to make our way in the world so we learn to react situationally. We hone our skills so we can participate fully in all arenas. We often do this so well that others say most of us are ambiverts.

Conversely, I see many extroverts who now believe they are introverts because, they too, are desperately seeking downtime. There are a couple of reasons for this: 1. There is much more introvert awareness and acceptance therefore it is now OK to be introverted and 2. Our modern world of technology and constant connection is truly wearing on all beings. Even full-out extroverts are often over-stimulated and overwhelmed by daily existence.

The biggest clues someone is a true introvert? How they feel after a round of social engagements. Are they raring to go or are they keenly searching for a book and a quiet corner? And if you were a solitude seeker as a child, you most likely are a solitude seeking introvert now.

Below you will find the most popular new posts written for space2live in 2014, followed by the most popular posts of all time.

Enjoy and happy sweet and love-filled 2015! I appreciate you and your thoughtful participation in the space2live community.

 Brenda blue signature

Photo credit EmissivityImage.com

Top 10 New Posts from 2014

Building Beautiful Introvert/Extrovert Relationships

Where’d My Energy Go? 12 Causes of Over-Arousal for the Introvert and/or Highly Sensitive Person

Sensuality, Sex, Solitude and Sensitivity: An Introvert’s Recipe for Love and Pleasure kitchen-couple

Is It Love or Are You Just Filling a Void?: Mastering Aloneness and Creating a Real Relationship

Does Your Partner Need a Lot of Space?: Introversion or Just Not That Into You?

Dating Deeply: Will You Go Intimate with Me?girl stepping off cliff

How to Remedy Anxiety and Stress When You’re an Introverted Feeling Type

The Introvert Survival Kit: The Must Haves for Meaningful Living as an Introvert

I Feel People and They Feel Me: The Blessing and Curse of Feeling Deeply

girl-fetal-position1

How Do Introverts Feel About Physical Affection? Is It As Energizing As Emotional Intimacy?

All-time favorites

Introvert Relationships: Love Me or Leave Me But Please Don’t Need Me (Too Much)clingy boy

Introverts Explained: Why We Love You But Need to Get Away From You

Understanding the Introvert Cycle: Why We Go From Irritable to Ever-Loving

Emotional Intimacy: An Introvert’s Ultimate Turn On?couple joe jeans

There’s Nothing Wrong with You. You’re an Introvert.

What did you learn about relationships this year? Introversion?

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7 Comments

  1. Puntarana October 12, 2015 at 11:56 am - Reply

    Why are many of your articles missing or cannot be found. I am a really sad bcuz o just discovered your site.

    • Brenda Knowles October 12, 2015 at 2:16 pm - Reply

      Thank you for alerting me to this issue. I just upgraded my site and its URL (it’s now brendaknowles.com vs. the old space2live.net. The old links appear to not work. I’m on it! In the meantime, you can search for the post titles that sound interesting and they will come up.Sorry!

  2. 3D Eye January 16, 2015 at 10:07 am - Reply

    “We all work our way to wholeness.”

    Many thanks for sharing so many stimulating thoughts and insights.

    G

    • Brenda Knowles January 17, 2015 at 7:56 am - Reply

      Nice to hear from you G.:) Yes, we are always working toward wholeness. It’s a process, but it’s our life.;)

  3. […] Knowles, the brains and soul behind space2live put together a wonderful year-in-review chronicling what she learned in 2014.  Brenda’s site focuses on introverts and their […]

  4. sheketechad January 2, 2015 at 6:35 pm - Reply

    It was a fantastic year for you Bren and I hope that 2015 continues to bring even more joy and growth. Thanks for taking us along 🙂

    • Brenda Knowles January 4, 2015 at 1:52 pm - Reply

      Thank you S!! So lovely to share the ride with YOU.:) May 2015 bring much peace, inspiration, love and amusement to you dear writer sister.

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