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This is me. This is me from the day I was born. For so long I felt misunderstood and rejected, even by the people closest to me, because they could never understand my need for solitude, and I had no idea how to explain it to them. Even now that I know more about Introversion and have a more informed understanding of my hard-wired need for solitude, it’s still very difficult sometimes to help my loved ones understand this profound craving for time and space all to myself. This is one of the best…
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I think I want to print out your articles and hand them out as a sort of relationship waiver form. “You want to be my friend?….You are interesting in going out? Here read this first. Sign here to acknowledge that you have read and understand the enclosed material. Thank you.” Seriously. I think it would work. — Guerin Moorman
Guerin Moorman
I have been dating an introverted man who I am very in love with for almost 2 years.  Reading your posts have helped me to be more supportive and understanding to him especially during the times when he needs space.  I just wanted to thank you for your weekly posts and let you know how helpful they are for someone who is in a relationship with an introvert. C.M. on space2live
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Brenda has truly opened up a space for introverted types on the ‘net, and her self-revelations are always inspiring. Her voice is one I always look forward to. She is one of the writers that actually played a part in my return to writing.  — S.E. of Sunflower Solace Farms
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3 Elements of Exquisite Sex and Divine Writing

man and woman intimate black and white

The lusty photo drew me in first with its tasteful mingling of eroticism and artistry. Next, the word exquisite made eye contact and winked at me.  Alluring, but ultimately it was heightened curiosity that led me to the intense pleasure of reading the Exquisite Lover series by Jack of F*cking in Brooklyn.  Jack’s lascivious and pleasingly poetic words tell the tale of three elements working together to achieve toe-curling intimacy.  The main characters:Passion, Technique and Resonance are developed and explored in depth. Their roles, inextricably connected.

As I pondered Jack’s passion trio, I found myself nodding in agreement and whispering under my breath, Yes! Completely enamored with this recipe for body and soul blending, my mind opened and allowed associations to form between the art of lovemaking and the art of creating.

As writing is my closest creative relationship, the connections were easiest to elicit from the world of words.

You Can’t Fake Passion

The first element necessary for mind-blowing sex and meaningful writing is passion.  Passion is unbridled enthusiasm for an act, person or object. There is no reining in passion. It’s raw and real and keeps you up at night in a good way.

Sexually, passion fuels desire for your partner. It’s that carnal feeling of extreme attraction that originates in your molecules. It’s primal and involuntary. Passion is hard full-mouth kisses interrupted by playful teasing ones. It’s bar fights, butterflies in the stomach and hastily removed clothing. It’s a mutual longing for the act of copulation itself, a hunger that must be fed. Passion is losing your mind. During the peak of physical intimacy, passion and pleasure fuse two beings to the point of forgetting everything else.

Passion in writing manifests as ideas in the middle of the night that must be written down.  As a fire in the soul that can only be extinguished by expression and sharing.  Passionate writing is unstoppable.  It will see the light of day or it will consume the creator.  There must be passion in order to push the writer to truth and vulnerability.  Passion and vulnerability inspire and move readers to explore their own depths.  Passionate writing ignites the writer and the reader,commanding intense, unwavering, focus.

Release Through Ability

Technique is the craft of carrying out the business, the medium for expressing passion. Are you a refined lover or a skilled writer? Do not assume you are at the top of your game just because you have been doing it a long time. The ones with the most intriguing ability are forever learning.

Sexual prowess is attractive. Confidence is attractive. Fumbling around can be cute in an, Aww she/he’s so innocent and nervous way, but only until it becomes distracting.  Those new to sex or taking on a new partner, don’t despair.  You are a glorious blank slate, open to suggestions and the mysteries of intercourse. Even the most skilled lovemaking can be reduced to the excitement of a pelvic exam if the technique is the same time after time. Relying on tried and true technique can go one of two ways.  One, it can diminish creativity by lack of variety.  Two, it can elevate the sexual experience because mastery eliminates over-thinking, leaving the partners free to feel and be. Bottom line, technique matters and must be perpetually refined. Skills must be shared and practiced with fresh enthusiasm in order to encourage spontaneity and sexual evolution.

In writing, honing your craft is essential. Writing classes help.  Feedback from readers and friends helps.  Writers have an insatiable desire to turn words into jewels.  That doesn’t happen solely through passion.  There must be experimentation and practice with technique. Most writers are also big readers. Why? Because they want to be entertained and educated by others in the field.  They want to see what works for them and see if they can emulate the trick.  They get ideas and put them into practice.  Write, write, write and then write some more. Like rote sex, it is tempting to stick with a writing style that has been successful in the past, but creativity perishes in routine.  In order to express in an inspiring, illuminating way, writers must practice, explore AND be open to new methods.

Soul Deep Connection

Resonating with another is a transformative gift. It says you are not alone. It says we are one.

Some call it chemistry. Others call it finding their soulmate. Whatever you call it, one taste of emotional intimacy and you are changed. Resonance is the unspoken discourse of intercourse. It is the heady experience where your essence is reflected by another and you love what you see.  There is a sharing and cherishing of the most vital and vulnerable components of your being. Transparency and authenticity are affirmed and at an equilibrium. Of course, this kind of bonding elevates sex.  It provides a solid foundation of knowing and trusting based on emotional recognition. You are me. We are free to be uninhibited.

Writers create stories of fiction and non-fiction but all contain an element of truth.  A writer can share humiliating flaws or triumphant conquests through stories. Whether the author intends to reach a wide audience or just has a tale to tell, it is especially magnificent if the listeners find themselves within the writing.Without writer-reader resonance stories are lifeless text and the writer is a stranger, speaking a foreign language. A gifted writer makes a personal story universal. You are me. Carry on.

Exquisite and Profound Enlightenment

It is illuminating to compare sex/love with writing. They both foster a level of depth that changes us on the inside. Through writing we learn about ourselves and others, creating compassion. Creating better lovers? I believe yes, provided the three elements: passion, technique and resonance are present.

Recall a time when intimacy was exquisite.  Have you experienced divine writing? How can you elevate physical intimacy?  Your writing?

*I am grateful to Jack of Brooklyn for sharing this beautifully crafted series.  I sensed his passion, admired his writing expertise and saw myself in is words.  My toes may have curled a little too.;)

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If you liked 3 Elements of Exquisite Sex and Divine Writing you may also like:

Introvert Relationships: Love Me or Leave Me but Please Don’t Need Me (Too Much) – (space2live)

Emotional Intimacy: An Introvert’s Ultimate Turn On?

Sensuality, Sex, Solitude and Sensitivity: An Introvert’s Recipe for Love and Pleasure

On Winning, Losing, Writing & Fucking -(shannagermain2.wordpress.com)

What’s Wonderful? Henry and June – (space2live)

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26 Comments

  1. M.O.Gato April 12, 2016 at 2:53 pm - Reply

    “Technique in art is like technique in lovemaking; heartfelt ineptitude has its charms and so does heartless skill but what we all really want is passionate virtuosity.”

    -Robert Arneson

    I remember seeing this on a piece of art years and years ago (long before I’d ever even stolen a kiss) and it stuck with me instantly.

    Your article is most articulate, which I admire since I so often have trouble distilling my thoughts into effective language. What you’ve said is certainly true of any art, I notice is most often with musicians: there is a naked honesty, a fearless vulnerability to performance that is uncontrollably attractive.

    • Brenda Knowles April 13, 2016 at 11:56 am - Reply

      Ooh I love that quote! I agree. Musicians speak vulnerably through their voices and instruments. That’s why their performances move us so and make us fall in love with them.:)

  2. Vernon September 28, 2014 at 2:53 am - Reply

    To put the unspeakable into words is truly a gift. To bring to light the unknowable is genius. It is easy to write about the act of sex but when soul,spirts merge into one it is beyond the act , not just the sheer pleasure I think that’s why some people cry. When writing is from the true self it connects with the true self of others. True loving allows us to abandon the ego and its self and self it is nothing and yet everything . That’s where good writing comes from. I do not know how to touch my woman until I touch her and she guides me without words many times. Those moments are not in books they are cosmic, time stands still so it is with writing from the true self this can not be taught in the schools. Neither can soul to soul love it is forever in the moment. We find it when we dismiss the false guardian of the true self the ego. The true self needs no guardian. I long for the time that we will be able kill the ego forever no more fear. That is why when we write, love without ego (fear) we connect. So that’s where I’m trying to get too that, from I which I came from without ego without fear. The I in I maybe that’s what the Rastafarians mean. Like sex and writing it is so easy to get lost when traveling in inner space and yet so exquisite, so divine. That’s what I love about being an introvert I can easily get lost in space and time.

    • Brenda Knowles September 28, 2014 at 6:47 pm - Reply

      Inner space, the introvert’s home. I definitely love to reside there but also love to venture out and invite others in. I often feel such high expectations for love because I can’t settle for average love/sex. I want the oneness and am willing to risk heartbreak for it. For I am willing to surrender completely, push the ego aside and expose the vulnerable self. It often feels like not many others are on the same page.

      Honest writing and sex with true love take courage. They both change you on the inside. Both magical.

      Thank you again for your soulful words. I feel you.:)

      • Stephen Busch November 19, 2014 at 4:36 pm - Reply

        Hi, Love the Title, your banner pic. Only read a bit , bar fights, what do bar fights have to do with passion, pass-I-on, my view is it’s something we pass on unique and authentically about ourselves in hot ways…fighting that, and fighting is at an evolutionary end, as soon as more people build their lives free of death ( dependence on killing animals for food) ….REAL passion will transcend adolescent notions.
        Look me up and I’ll show U 😉

        • Brenda Knowles November 20, 2014 at 4:34 pm - Reply

          I was referring to the hot-bloodedness of fighting. I agree fighting is not a requirement or even a desire when it comes to true passion but I have known people who fight passionately. I’m all for transcendence. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. 🙂

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  10. Sandy Sue March 9, 2013 at 5:18 am - Reply

    There’s a philosophical/spiritual school of thought that says Creative Energy manifests as sexuality in the physical. Using this energy in a non-sexual way (creating) develops consciousness and deep awareness. Is it any wonder that artists of all sorts are often very sexual beings?

    • brennagee March 9, 2013 at 8:26 pm - Reply

      I do see a connection between creativity and sexuality. There’s freedom to express in both. They are both innate and something that flows through and from us. Both provide a release. The brain (imagination) is the largest sex organ.;)
      I like pondering this connection.:)
      I have been listening to vintage Prince (pre- Purple Rain) lately. Talk about creativity and sexuality…

  11. Doug Toft February 1, 2013 at 6:23 pm - Reply

    I enjoy this post and return to it periodically. Trained as as a technical writer, I often forget the more moist aspects of our craft. Thanks for the reminder. These are not trivial comparisons.

    Natalie Goldberg noted that writing a good first draft is like making love. In both cases, the goal is to keep your hands moving and stop thinking.

    • brennagee February 3, 2013 at 4:10 pm - Reply

      Natalie Goldberg is the best! I love that comparison. Thanks Doug.

  12. […] I guess I proved I can be consistent.  I also learned that I love the process and writer-reader connection of maintaining a blog.  It is fun for me to find out what I have to say to the world.  Sometimes I surprise myself;) (3 Elements of Exquisite Sex and Divine Writing). […]

  13. lindaknowles October 19, 2011 at 5:22 pm - Reply

    Way to go, Ms. Freud, now you’re cooking, you bring back so much nostalgia for intellectualism. Mailer’s ADVERTISEMENTS FOR MYSELF (1959) talks this talk throughout. Sexual energy creates art in actors, musicians, hipsters, writers. I recall a playwriting class where we did a narrative character study: I chose a young lady I knew, and flooded pages with description of her at all angles. A fellow student called it a “literary masturbation.” He was right. Bill Ogle.

    • brennagee October 19, 2011 at 5:43 pm - Reply

      Thank you! I appreciate your literary experience and humor.:) The energy within sex and writing is powerful!

  14. Debbi October 12, 2011 at 1:42 pm - Reply

    My unrefined piece on my Dad’s death has resonance. I still cry as I read it and visualize every detail as if I were there again. My sister tried several times to read it because I asked her to, and the emotions were too fresh for her to finish it…it’s been a year. She finally gave up for the moment. The piece showing resonance to her gave me something I have also been hoping to achieve. I wanted to say, “Score one for Debbi…my family finally realizes to what extent I can write.” She FELT it.

    I agree with the you should forever be learning whether it’s sex or writing. Guess what?! It’s exciting! Not all people write, but I can’t believe how many people are surprised at how deeply I research all the different aspects of sex. Yet, everybody wants good sex. If you want it, you have to work for it…mentally…not just physically. Spurr your creativity. Whether I’m absorbed in the reading, searching, viewing, studying, etc. or in experimenting in all the facets of writing or sex, a momentum builds, and I get a natural high…particularly when all three traits are there.

    btw – I had read the F*cking in Brooklyn piece before, and loved the article. He says it all, if you really want it all, in a nut shell.

    • brennagee October 12, 2011 at 1:53 pm - Reply

      Your piece on your dad’s death is the perfect example of taking a specific topic and making it universal. It is hard not to be deeply moved by it.
      They say the brain is the most important sex organ, so yes, sex does involve a mental and physical passion. It’s so exciting to follow your curiosity. There IS a natural high about it.:)
      Totally agree about the F*cking in Brooklyn series.
      Thanks for your input Debbi! 🙂

  15. catnipkiss October 10, 2011 at 12:26 pm - Reply

    this is exactly the mix I am looking for in my life and in my writing. For now, I write down everything and hope to find the most resonant parts and breathe life into them with my renewed passion for each singular experience in the revision. And I noticed in my blog stats that I always get more hits when the word SEX is in the title *apart from my piece on 9-11, another subject that evokes passion!! Thanks for the reminder to keep on track in my writing….

    • brennagee October 10, 2011 at 1:37 pm - Reply

      I think sex/love and writing are the mix I am looking for too, which made it especially enjoyable to write about and explore. There is a hunger within me to find/revel in the passion in both areas. I knew the word SEX would grab attention. People are predictable little horny toads sometime.;) Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Best wishes for fulfillment in your writing.:)

  16. brennagee October 10, 2011 at 11:56 am - Reply

    Thanks Becca! I had a ball writing it.:) I believe these were two things I needed to explore. The overlap was incredible and inspiring.

  17. BeccaFetz October 10, 2011 at 10:11 am - Reply

    Oh Bren…I LOVE this!!!

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